Month: April 2017

The Legend of Slingy Parloo

I entered this poem in the Wergle Flomp Humor Poetry contest in 2017. I didn’t win anything, but at least I gave it a shot. Turns out none of the contest-winning poems are ever actually funny. Go figure.

Enjoy!

The Legend of Slingy Parloo

‘Twas a long time ago (1872)

Starts The Legend of Slingy Parloo

A young man rode the range on his steed, Steely Blue

‘Twas the stallion of Slingy Parloo

And his fame went before him, as Fame oft will do

‘Twas the Legend of Slingy Parloo

For he wore not a gun, but a slingshot of yew

‘Twas the weapon of Slingy Parloo

And he used it to capture bad guys not a few

‘Twas the justice of Slingy Parloo

When he rode into town all the folks yelled “Yahoo!”

‘Twas the greeting of Slingy Parloo

For the bad guys were jailed and the terror was through

‘Twere good times for brave Slingy Parloo

And he said, “I know now just what I have to do!”

‘Twas the saying of Slingy Parloo

“I’ll go find me a gal with a heart pure & true!”

‘Twas the love quest of Slingy Parloo

So he set off again on his steed, Steely Blue

‘Twas the fine horse of Slingy Parloo

Over mountains, through valleys, in sun and rain too

‘Twas the journey of Slingy Parloo

‘Til he met a fair maiden named Lolly Lolou

‘Twas the woman for Slingy Parloo

And he asked for her hand as their love grew and grew

‘Twas th’engagement of Slingy Parloo

They were married one Sunday at quarter past two

‘Twere the nuptials of Slingy Parloo

 Then the pair settled down on a ranch filled with moo

‘Twas the homestead of Slingy Parloo

And soon Lolly gave birth to a baby boy, Stu

‘Twas the firstborn of Slingy Parloo

 Ere long more kids were added to this happy crew

‘Twas the fam’ly of Slingy Parloo

And our Hero made each one a slingshot of yew

‘Twere the weapons of Family Parloo

Then he taught them to sling rocks with aim straight and true

‘Twas the training of Slingy Parloo

Just in case a vile bandit or two might come through

‘Twas the worry of Slingy Parloo

Sure enough one dark day he saw bandits and knew

‘Twas the knowing of Slingy Parloo

There was trouble ahead, but he knew what to do

‘Twas the planning of Slingy Parloo

So when Rogue Rodger Dodger and gang came in view

‘Twere past captures of Slingy Parloo

 They were pelted by rocks slung from slingshots of yew

‘Twas the slinging of Family Parloo

Then Rogue Rodger Dodger yelped, “Boys, guess we’re through!”

‘Twas the ambush of Family Parloo

So the bandits turned tail and rode into the blue

‘Twas the victory of Family Parloo

And from then on our hero and family all knew

‘Twas the knowledge of Family Parloo

They were safe from all manner of hullabaloo

‘Twas the safety of Family Parloo

And their legend lived on as the children all grew

‘Twas the Saga of Family Parloo

So the story was hinged upon slingshots of yew

‘Twere the trademarks of Family Parloo

And it all started out with a young boy of two

‘Twas the childhood of Slingy Parloo

Who fashioned a slingshot from branches of yew

The first slingshot of Slingy Parloo

And practiced and practiced each day as he grew

‘Twas the training of Slingy Parloo

‘Til he mastered the weapon with aim straight and true

‘Twas the true skill of Slingy Parloo

And became a great lawman renowned the land through

‘Twas the Legend of Slingy Parloo!

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Yo- WriterDude- What’s a Bloorg, Anyway?

Good question.

A Bloorg is just like a Blog, only different.

It’s more bloorgy than blogs, which are bloggy.

Yes, this answer may be insufficient,

And it still leaves you feeling quite foggy.

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(Mostly) Rhyme Thyme

Greetings! Bursting forth in glorious metaphorical, allegorical, phantasmagorical, Delphinian Oracle wonder shall be placed here various types of what might be loosely classified as poetry.

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Grandiose Girl Names!

It helps if you say each name out loud, attaching your last name to see which names fit best, such as “Wilsterfee Spoonoodler Jones”.

Also, be sure to check back often, since we are constantly adding to the wonderousness that is this list!

  • Addie Usadebtor
  • Albany Wererabbit
  • Allisunny Twisterchase
  • Anasteezie Armaguard
  • Babbette BippityBoppityBoo
  • Barbilla Gaugetypo
  • Blondie Oortcloud
  • Carmelita Scrubucket
  • Charmina Chandelanturn
  • Darnifa Dew
  • Fifi Bitumen
  • Flahstafee Gumpuddle
  • Florafauna Phlebotomisty
  • Fortuna Vowelturner
  • Frenetica Slothwinder
  • Georginalina Gibraltardy
  • Glormanica Babblenut
  • Hanstwilia Beanburrow
  • Henrisha Haribo
  • Lemongelina Meringue
  • Lollylo Goo
  • Lorrilatida Cumulonimnul
  • Margarita Mumblypeg
  • Melunia Melonstaller
  • Priscillipa Persummoner
  • Scintillina Gumbobowl
  • Sharpay Pencillead
  • Voostervia Nidwhittle
  • Wilsterfee Spoonoodler
  • Zimsi Noreaster

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Brilliant Boy Names!

It helps if you say each name out loud, attaching your last name to see which names fit best, such as “Hoosterfoo Nintenderloin Plertendorfer”.

Also, be sure to check back often, since we are constantly adding to the gloriousness that is this list!

  • Bibblebong Grapejuice
  • Bloonsbloggett Pudgewudgie
  • Bograt Beggarbag
  • Carmine Certiblinker
  • Crazmatazz Wingwander
  • Darbin Pronghoop
  • Donnell Ducktape
  • Dustin Dafurniture
  • Fensterwald Bombsquad
  • Francolou Faxmaestro
  • Granby Flubmuster
  • Harvolo Flammerhammer
  • Hoosterfoo Nintenderloin
  • Horace Firetruck
  • Horton Speculaas
  • Jack Innabox
  • Jarvon Wombatterup
  • Jimbob Jetfuelink
  • Kernal Wheatgrinder
  • Koonderly Bassbitten
  • Landon Lollapalooser
  • Meisner Bolokayso
  • Milo Spork
  • Oberhyper Omenwatcher
  • Ohber Andover
  • Owen Mortgage
  • Parley Parsley
  • Percy Pennywhistle
  • Petrie Peppercorn
  • Philemon Filfot
  • Piney Bristlecone
  • Pyper Wrenchwrangle
  • Rajelio Hoolahoop
  • Schuman Mistletone
  • Snarkenst Poortenpants
  • Terrin Nuppatrack
  • Walker Planktonlister
  • Zigwiggity Craymove

 

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So You’re Having a Baby

Congratulations!

Welcome to the ONLY baby name site you’ll EVER need!

Yes, Uncle Dimsworthy, expert in expertly crafted baby names has put together a list of perfect boy names and a list of flawless girl names from which to choose.

Each name has been lovingly created using a very strict set of criteria, as follows:

  • The first name has to be interesting, entertaining, weird, silly, or otherwise unique.
  • The second, or middle name has to be an “every-day” item. This is ABSOLUTELY CRITICAL!
    • What compromises “every-day” with regard to the aforementioned items? Glad you asked.
    • An “every-day item” is one that may possibly be used in a parallel universe where items aren’t necessarily like they are in our universe. Some may be the same, but most will be different in some way that most likely defies logic, looks or sounds really silly, may be a combination of existing real items, possibly consisting of two words- an adjective and a noun or a “noun as an adjective” and a noun, or otherwise almost but not quite entirely unlike a true “every-day item”.

Allow me to illustrate:

The very first baby name to appear in our lists of baby names was

Bibblebong Grapejuice

Notice how it meets the first criteria as well as the second in the most basic of ways. The second/middle name is, in fact, a bona fide every-day item in our universe.

Starting with similar basic names, the second/middle names have evolved to increasingly become less identifiable as an every-day item in our universe and more obfuscated. For example, a more recent entry is

Snarkenst Poortenpants

Now I have to admit I cheated a bit on this one- poorten is a real Dutch word meaning “ports”, like where you would find boats & ships & dinghies & schooners & skiffs & yachts & jet-skis & runabouts & pontoons & trawlers & submarines & tugboats & you get the idea. So “poortenpants” are pants one would wear when working at a port, walking by a port, flying over a port, writing a re-port, etc.

So now that you have an idea of what to expect, go on over to either Girl Names or Boy Names where you can peruse to your heart’s content until you find that superlatively perfect name for your soon-to-be-born bundle of joy!

Pleasant Perusing!

A.K.A Uncle Dimsworthy

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